Vocal Fry: A trend worth stopping, now

Posted: August 1, 2014 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,




I am taking a survey. Nominate one of the following for “most annoying sounds ever made”

A. A screeching infant or toddler

B. Fingernails on the chalkboard

C. A morning wake up alarm

D. Vocal fry

If you answered A, B, or C, that is only partially correct. If you answered D, that would be the best possible answer for this post, because that is the subject of today’s rant.

There is an epidemic sweeping this nation among girls aged 11 to…well, I’m not exactly sure what age — I’ve seen it in girls in my classroom to adult women on Reality TV shows. It is called “vocal fry” and it must be stopped.

For some reason, the annoying habit of inserting the word “like” into every third word of conversation has become so popular, nobody really notices, cares, or hears it being spoken, like, all the time. That would be the second most annoying sound ever, but this post is about vocal fry, not poor speech habits. Oh wait, maybe it is.

I once sat in my school’s staff room and mentally tried to count the number of “like”s spoken by someone who insisted be referred to as an “adult professional”. I will provide you with a snippet of her golden-throated eloquence:

My students arrrrrre, like, sooooo getting on my nerrrrrrrrrves, like, it’s so annnnoyyyying, eh eh eh

I lost count at 25. This speech pattern is coming from someone who was supposed to be trained in speaking in front of large crowds of people. And using “big girl” vocabulary while doing so. Yuck.

I can’t solely blame her for her speech patterns. Instead, I choose to blame most of the millenial women who have adapted this style of speech in a poor attempt to sound much more intellectual and sophisticated than they actually are. What they don’t realize about this speech pattern is that, in fact, it sounds totally obnoxious and makes them sound like they’re too lazy or tired to finish the sentence, so they peter out somewhere towards the end and just utter the last few syllables. Over and over again.

In case readers are still confused about this particular speech affectation, I have included a short video below that explains it perfectly. Give it a listen and if you’re a woman (or in smaller numbers, men), ask yourself “Do I really sound like this?” and fix it. If you’re a man ask yourself “Is this really the kind of woman I want to listen to daily for the rest of my life?” If so, be prepared for a lifetime of imposed silence because you really can’t tolerate that for more than ten minutes before you want to muzzle the girl. Trust me on this one.

Ladies, check yourselves. Stop with the vocal fry. It truly is the worst sound ever. And this is coming from someone who had to sit in front of a screaming child for two hours during a flight home from vacation. Trust me on this, too.





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